Domestic Abuse in the Military: What to Watch for and How to Get Help

October is domestic violence awareness month. St. Mary’s County is host to the Patuxent River Naval Air Station which is a large economic driver for Southern Maryland. Unfortunately, the military is not immune to domestic violence.

Domestic abuse in military and veteran households often escalates gradually, making early recognition and action critical. Warning signs may include controlling behavior over finances, deployments, or benefits; isolation disguised as “security”; verbal or emotional abuse; excessive monitoring; and any form of physical or sexual violence. Abuse can worsen during deployments or financial strain, with some abusers exploiting military structure or rank to maintain control. Leaving is especially risky in military settings, abusers may use orders, transfers, or rank to isolate or intimidate, and victims often face fears of retaliation, career harm, or loss of housing and benefits. Confusion over jurisdiction between military and civilian systems adds another layer of complexity. Because of these challenges, survivors should seek legal and advocacy support familiar with military-specific protection and resources.

Maryland offers several legal protections for victims of abuse, such as Protective Orders, Peace orders, and Military Protection orders. Under Maryland law, victims of domestic violence or abuse can petition the court for Protective Orders (commonly called restraining orders or stay-away orders). The Maryland People's Law Library. There are different types of protective orders: emergency, temporary and final protective orders. An emergency protective order can be obtained even when the court is closed at night or on weekends, using a commissioner at the court. Temporary protective orders are usually valid for a short period of time until a hearing can be held to possibly grant a final protective order. Final Protective Orders lasts longer, possibly a year or more, and can be renewed or extended. The protective order can require the abuser to stay away from your home, cease contact, surrender firearms (if applicable), and may include child custody, visitation, or support conditions. The Maryland People's Law Library. For relationships that do not qualify for a Protective Order, an alternative is a Peace Order which covers harassment, stalking or threats from non-family members. Military protective Orders are issued by active-duty service member’s command which can prohibit contact, add stay away orders from the family house and children’s schools, attend counseling, surrender weapons, and more. MPOs are indefinite, meaning there is not a termination date, and can only be terminated by the commanding officer. WomensLaw.org.

Within the military, “domestic abuse” and “domestic violence” have distinct meanings under the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Domestic abuse covers all forms of relationship abuse involving a current or former spouse or intimate partner, while domestic violence—under the Family Advocacy Program (FAP) involves the use, attempt, or threat of force, or violation of a protective order against a current or former spouse, cohabitant, dating partner, or co-parent. WomensLaw. (n.d.). I have heard the terms “domestic abuse” and “domestic violence” used by military personnel. Is there a difference? Retrieved October 22, 2025, from https://www.womenslaw.org/laws/federal/domestic-violence-military/domestic-violence-and-military-system/basic-info/i-have. The FAP offers support services such as advocacy, risk assessment, safety planning, and counseling. Under Article 128b, victims have the right to be informed, heard, and protected, and can report abuse to military law enforcement or the FAP to start an investigation. Hewitt, C. (2024, August 1). Victim Rights Under the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Fort Bliss. Retrieved October 22, 2025, from https://home.army.mil/bliss/about/news/victim-rights-under-uniform-code-military-justice. Reporting to law enforcement or command creates an unrestricted report leading to an official investigation, while reporting to a healthcare provider, FAP clinician, or victim advocate remains restricted, preserving confidentiality without triggering an automatic investigation.

Different Resources within the Southern Maryland Area

1.      Southern Maryland Center for Family Advocacy (SMCFA): Provides free legal advocacy, representation, case management, crisis intervention, and emergency shelter (in St. Mary’s County). https://www.smcfa.net/  Their 24-Hour Domestic Violence Hotline is handled through their Advice/Help line. They maintain offices in St. Mary’s District Court. T: (240)-925-0084

2.      St. Mary’s County Family Law Self Help Legal Clinic: Free, one-on-one sessions with an attorney to answer family law, domestic violence, divorce, custody, and related questions (no full representation). Held at the St. Mary’s Circuit Court https://www.mdcourts.gov/clerks/stmarys/familyservices#flshlcsm     

3.      District Court Help Centers: Provide free limited legal help in domestic violence / peace order matters for unrepresented individuals

4.      Maryland Legal Aid: provides civil legal services for low-income persons including domestic violence, custody, divorce and other family law related matters. https://www.mdlab.org/

5.      House of Ruth Maryland- Domestic Violence Legal Clinic: Provides free legal assistance for victims to obtain protective orders, relocation, divorce, custody and more https://hruth.org/ They have a 24/7 crisis hotline where their advocates are trained in crisis intervention, safety planning, resource referral and proactive advocacy to victims and families: 410.889.7884

6.      Maryland Department of Human Services St. Mary’s County: For social services, child support, reporting abuse, connections to support programs. https://dhs.maryland.gov/local-offices/st-marys-county/  

7.      Hotlines to Call

a.       National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) available 24/7, can connect you to local resources.

b.      For sexual assault: Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) or local SARC services. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)